Let the Rebranding Begin

The Republicans are at it again.  They think all they have to do is change their “brand” to get people to vote for them.  I offer a brief history of the Republican “Brand.”

The Lincoln Brand:  Ended slavery, kept the union together.  Considered by many to be the most distinguished of all Presidents. … And you know how it ended.

Quote:  “At what point, then, is the approach of danger [to the United States] to be expected?  I answer, if it ever reach us, it must spring up amongst us; it cannot come from abroad.  If destruction be our lot we must ourselves be its author and finisher.  As a nation of freemen we must live through all time, or die by suicide.” (Speech to the Young Men’s Lyceum of Springfield, IL, January 27, 1838)

The Eisenhower Brand:  WWII General, married to Mamie of the notoriously short bangs.  Significantly invested in infrastructure by building the Interstate Highway system.

Quote:  “We pray that… all who are insensitive to the needs of others will learn charity; that the scourges of poverty, disease and ignorance will be made to disappear from the earth, and that, in the goodness of time, all peoples will come to live together in a peace guaranteed by the binding force of mutual respect and love.” (Speech made upon leaving office.)

The Nixon Brand:  Just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean nobody’s out to get me.

Quote: (Speaking of the Truman Administration as a Senator) “This administration has proved that it is utterly incapable of cleaning out the corruption which has completely eroded it and reestablishing the confidence and faith of the American people in the morality and honesty of their government employees.”

The Reagan Brand:  Morning in America: (watch out for “pre-dawn vertical insertions[1]”)

Quote: “Unemployment insurance is a pre-paid vacation for freeloaders.”  California Governor Ronald Reagan, Sacramento Bee, April 28, 1966

The Bush Sr. Brand:  If you don’t like me, there’s plenty more where I came from.

Quote: “Read my lips – no new taxes.”  (He did raise taxes, but they were old taxes.)

The Bush Jr. Brand:  Don’t confuse me with the facts.

Quote: “Mission accomplished.”

The Gingrich Brand: Contract on America.

The Boehner Brand: It’s my Party and I’ll cry if I want to.

The Tea Party Brand: This is a Democracy – mean and stupid people deserve representation too!

Quote:  “We don’t care how many times we shoot ourselves in the foot, we’re not giving up our guns!” (Okay, I made that one up.)


[1] A military euphemism used to describe an early morning drop of equipment and personnel in the invasion of Grenada.

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