How to Succeed in Politics*

  1. Love your gun unconditionally.  Join the NRA.
  2. Love Grover Norquist unconditionally and sign his pledge not to raise taxes under any circumstances.  No matter how many people are out of work, homeless or sick.
  3. Love your country unconditionally and stick to the belief that America can do no wrong.  Do not get a passport and do not ever travel outside the United States.
  4. Love your ideological purity. Never compromise.
  5. Love your God and label any policy that benefits the majority of citizens, especially the weak, the young and the old, “socialist.”
  6. Love your mother, except when it comes to equal rights, equal pay and the right to choose when and if she is capable of bearing a child.
  7. Hate government:  Be proud that you are an outsider, have no previous experience in public service and  believe that makes you the best qualified candidate for the job.
  8. Never leave home without your flag lapel pin.

*Not to be confused with how to succeed in governing.

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One Response to How to Succeed in Politics*

  1. Nina says:

    You’ve descibed the perfect republican candidate! Sad but true, a majority of today’s republcians believe this to be a list of must-haves in their candidate. But you left one off….leave regulations to the corporations, since it is they, not the government, that can be trusted.

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